What does it mean to lower your standards in dating? I’m curious about what that phrase really means. Does it refer to compromising on core values like honesty, kindness, and respect? Or is it more about being less fixated on superficial traits like height, income, or specific career paths? Also, I’d like to understand the potential consequences of lowering standards. Could it lead to settling for less than you deserve and ultimately being unhappy, or could it open you up to meeting wonderful people you might have initially overlooked due to overly rigid criteria? I’m also interested in hearing perspectives on whether “lowering standards” is always a negative thing or if there are situations where it might actually be a healthy and beneficial shift in perspective.
Answer
Lowering your standards in dating implies reducing the level of qualities, characteristics, or expectations you seek in a potential partner. This can manifest in various ways across different categories:
Physical Appearance: This might involve being more open to dating individuals whose physical attributes (height, weight, style, etc.) are not typically your preferred type. It could mean accepting someone who doesn’t meticulously maintain their appearance or who has physical features you wouldn’t have previously considered attractive.
Personality and Values: Lowering standards here could mean overlooking personality traits you previously found undesirable, such as a lack of ambition, a tendency towards negativity, or differing interests. It might involve accepting someone with values that don’t perfectly align with your own, or compromising on fundamental beliefs to be with someone.
Financial Status and Career: This refers to being less concerned with a partner’s income, job title, or career aspirations. It could mean dating someone who is unemployed, working in a lower-paying field, or not as driven professionally as you initially sought.
Education and Intelligence: It may involve being open to dating someone with less formal education or perceived intellectual curiosity. This could mean accepting differences in communication style, worldview, and problem-solving abilities.
Social Status and Reputation: This involves disregarding social circles, affiliations, or past behaviors that you would have previously considered problematic. It could mean dating someone with a less-than-stellar reputation, different social standing, or a controversial past.
Relationship History and Emotional Availability: It could mean accepting someone with a complicated relationship history, a tendency to avoid emotional intimacy, or unresolved emotional baggage. It might also involve overlooking red flags or warning signs that you would have previously addressed.
Maturity and Responsibility: Lowering standards might involve accepting a partner who is less mature, responsible, or reliable. This could manifest as difficulty managing finances, maintaining commitments, or taking ownership of their actions.
Example Scenarios:
- Originally: You only dated men over 6 feet tall with a college degree and a stable corporate job. Lowering Standards: You become open to dating men of average height, regardless of their educational background, and who work in diverse fields, even if those fields don’t offer the highest salaries.
- Originally: You required a partner to be extremely outgoing, adventurous, and share all your hobbies. Lowering Standards: You accept a partner who is more introverted, enjoys quieter activities, and has different hobbies, recognizing that shared interests aren’t the only basis for a strong relationship.
- Originally: You sought someone who had never been divorced and was ready to commit immediately. Lowering Standards: You become open to dating someone who has been divorced, perhaps with children, and is looking for a slower, more gradual path towards commitment.
The act of lowering standards can be a conscious choice made for various reasons:
- Feeling lonely or desperate: A desire to avoid being single can lead to compromising on previously held requirements.
- Realizing your standards were unrealistic: Recognizing that your expectations were too high or unattainable, or based on superficial factors.
- Changing priorities: As you age and mature, your values and priorities in a relationship may shift.
- Learning from past mistakes: Realizing that focusing on specific criteria in the past didn’t lead to fulfilling relationships.
- Expanding your horizons: Wanting to experience dating different types of people and broadening your perspective.
While lowering standards can sometimes lead to positive outcomes, such as discovering hidden qualities or forming unexpected connections, it’s important to differentiate it from settling for less than you deserve or tolerating disrespect and unhealthy behaviors. Maintaining healthy boundaries and self-respect remains crucial.