What are the key differences in behavior and attitudes that distinguish supporting someone – providing encouragement, resources, and assistance to help them achieve their goals – from carrying them – doing the work for them, taking away their agency, and potentially fostering dependence? Consider the long-term impact of each approach on the supported/carried individual’s growth, self-esteem, and resilience. How do the motivations and boundaries of the “helper” differ in each scenario? Furthermore, what are some telltale signs that someone is being “carried” rather than “supported,” and what adjustments can be made to shift the dynamic towards healthier support? Think about examples in different contexts like parenting, friendships, romantic relationships, and professional environments.

Answer

Supporting someone and carrying someone are distinct approaches to helping, characterized by significant differences in behavior, attitudes, and long-term impact.

Supporting Someone:

• Behavior:
  • Providing Resources: Offering tools, information, guidance, encouragement, and connections to help the individual achieve their goals.
  • Empowering Autonomy: Fostering independence and self-reliance by encouraging them to make their own decisions and take ownership of their actions.
  • Active Listening: Paying attention to their needs, concerns, and perspectives to understand their situation and offer relevant support.
  • Collaboration: Working alongside them as a partner, respecting their capabilities and contributing to a shared objective.
  • Constructive Feedback: Providing honest and specific feedback to help them learn and improve.
  • Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear expectations and limitations to ensure that the support is sustainable and does not enable dependency.
  • Celebrating Successes: Acknowledging and celebrating their achievements, both big and small, to reinforce positive behaviors and build confidence.
  • Allowing Failure: Recognizing that setbacks are a natural part of growth and providing support to help them learn from their mistakes.
  • Providing a Safety Net: Offering reassurance and practical assistance to help them navigate challenges and recover from setbacks.
• Attitudes:
  • Belief in Potential: Having confidence in the individual’s ability to succeed and grow.
  • Patience: Understanding that progress takes time and effort and being willing to offer ongoing support.
  • Respect: Valuing their individuality, perspective, and autonomy.
  • Encouragement: Providing positive reinforcement and motivation to help them persevere.
  • Empathy: Understanding and sharing their feelings and challenges.
  • Facilitation: Believing your role is to make things easier for them to help themselves.
  • Temporary Assistance: Viewing support as a temporary measure until the person can function independently.

Carrying Someone:

• Behavior:
  • Doing Everything for Them: Taking over tasks and responsibilities that they are capable of handling themselves.
  • Making Decisions on Their Behalf: Controlling their choices and actions, often without their input or consent.
  • Rescuing Them from Consequences: Shielding them from the natural consequences of their actions, preventing them from learning from their mistakes.
  • Enabling Dependency: Creating a situation where they rely on you for everything and are unable to function independently.
  • Overprotectiveness: Shielding them from any potential risks or challenges, preventing them from developing resilience and coping skills.
  • Ignoring Boundaries: Disregarding their wishes or preferences and imposing your own agenda.
  • Lack of Expectations: Lowering expectations for their performance and accepting substandard work.
  • Avoiding Confrontation: Refusing to address their shortcomings or provide constructive criticism.
• Attitudes:
  • Lack of Confidence in Their Abilities: Believing that they are incapable of succeeding on their own.
  • Impatience: Expecting quick results and becoming frustrated when they struggle.
  • Control: Wanting to control their actions and outcomes.
  • Pity: Feeling sorry for them and wanting to protect them from harm.
  • Resentment: Harboring feelings of anger or frustration at having to take care of them.
  • Superiority: Believing you are better or more capable than them.
  • Permanent Responsibility: Viewing the situation as a long-term commitment to solving their problems.

Key Differences Summarized:

In essence, supporting helps someone learn to stand on their own two feet, while carrying keeps them dependent and unable to walk for themselves. Supporting fosters growth and independence, whereas carrying fosters dependence and stagnation.