What are some common red flags to watch out for in dating app messages that might indicate the person is not who they seem, is trying to scam me, or is just generally someone I should avoid? I’m looking for specific examples of language, behavior, or patterns that should raise concerns, and I’d like these examples broken down into categories such as potential for catfishing, financial exploitation, emotional manipulation, or just plain incompatibility/disrespect. Are there any particularly subtle red flags I might miss if I’m not careful? Finally, are there any resources or articles that delve deeper into recognizing these red flags and protecting myself while online dating?

Answer

Some common red flags in dating app messages include:

• Excessively sexual or aggressive language: Overtly suggestive comments, demands for explicit photos, or any form of sexual harassment are immediate red flags. This includes phrases that make you uncomfortable or objectify you.

• Love bombing/Excessive flattery: Over-the-top compliments or declarations of love early on can be a manipulation tactic. Be wary of someone who seems to be moving too fast and idealizing you without really knowing you. Phrases like “I’ve never met anyone like you,” or “I think I’m falling for you already,” within the first few messages can be a sign of this.

• Demanding personal information too quickly: Asking for your address, phone number, or other sensitive details before establishing trust is a red flag. They might also ask about your work schedule, daily routine, or security setup.

• Inconsistent stories or profiles: Discrepancies between what they say in messages and what’s on their profile, or contradictions within their own stories, can indicate dishonesty.

• Grammatical errors and poor spelling: While occasional typos are understandable, consistent and egregious errors can suggest a lack of education or care, or potentially indicate a scammer using automated tools.

• Generic or copy-pasted messages: If their messages seem impersonal and like they could be sent to anyone, it could be a sign they’re not genuinely interested or are casting a wide net.

• Avoiding video calls or meeting in person: Consistently making excuses to avoid seeing you face-to-face, especially after a reasonable amount of time chatting, could suggest they’re hiding something, are in a relationship, or are not who they say they are.

• Asking for money or financial assistance: Any request for money, gift cards, or financial information is a huge red flag and almost certainly a scam.

• Controlling or manipulative behavior: Trying to isolate you from friends and family, constantly checking up on you, or guilt-tripping you are warning signs of a potentially abusive relationship.

• Negative or overly critical language: Consistently complaining or criticizing others can indicate a negative personality or potential for future negativity directed towards you.

• Ghosting and breadcrumbing: Disappearing for extended periods of time and then reappearing with minimal explanation (ghosting) or sending intermittent messages to keep you interested without any real intention of pursuing a relationship (breadcrumbing) are disrespectful behaviors.

• Pressure to move the conversation off the dating app: While eventually moving to a different platform is normal, pressure to do so immediately could be a way to avoid the dating app’s safety features or to conceal their identity.

• Lack of empathy or emotional intelligence: Inability to understand or respond appropriately to your feelings, or dismissing your concerns, is a sign of poor emotional intelligence.

• Talking negatively about exes or past relationships: While it’s normal to have some negative experiences, constant negativity or blaming exes for everything could indicate a lack of self-awareness or personal responsibility.

• Inability to respect boundaries: Ignoring your stated boundaries or attempting to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with is a major red flag. This could be about meeting up, sharing personal information, or engaging in sexual activity.