What guidance, principles, and specific verses does the Bible offer regarding modern-day dating practices, considering it was written in a vastly different cultural and social context where arranged marriages and courtship were more prevalent? Are there passages that can be interpreted as applying to contemporary dating relationships, and if so, how should they be applied? I’m particularly interested in biblical perspectives on topics like physical intimacy before marriage, choosing a partner based on shared faith, and navigating breakups.

Answer

The Bible doesn’t explicitly use the term “dating” as it’s a modern concept. However, biblical principles offer guidance for relationships between unmarried men and women that can be applied to modern dating practices. These principles revolve around purity, respect, discernment, and seeking God’s will.

Key Biblical Principles Relevant to Dating:

  • Purity: The Bible emphasizes sexual purity before marriage. This is consistently stressed throughout the Old and New Testaments.

    • Exodus 20:14 (Seventh Commandment): “You shall not commit adultery.” While directly referring to married individuals, the underlying principle is to abstain from sexual immorality.
    • 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” This passage connects sexual purity with God’s will and emphasizes self-control.
    • 1 Corinthians 6:18-20: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” This powerfully states that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and that sexual sin is a sin against ourselves and against God.
    • Hebrews 13:4: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

  • Respect and Honor: Relationships should be characterized by respect and honor, treating each other with dignity as children of God.

    • 1 Peter 2:17: “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” While it speaks of general respect, the principle extends to all relationships, including romantic ones.
    • Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” This encourages putting the other person’s needs and feelings before your own.

  • Discernment and Wisdom: Seek wisdom and discernment when choosing a partner. Pray for guidance and consider the advice of trusted mentors.

    • Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” This emphasizes seeking God’s guidance in all decisions, including choosing a partner.
    • Proverbs 4:23: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” This advises guarding one’s heart and emotions carefully.
    • Proverbs 19:20: “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” This encourages seeking counsel from wise and godly individuals.
    • 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” This warns against entering into serious relationships with those who do not share your faith.

  • Love and Sacrifice: Relationships should reflect Christ’s love, which is selfless, sacrificial, and focused on the other person’s well-being.

    • 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Love Chapter): “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This defines the characteristics of true love, which should be the foundation of any relationship.
    • Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This sets a high standard for love, based on Christ’s sacrifice. While directed at husbands, the principle of sacrificial love applies to all relationships.

  • Purpose and Intentionality: Dating should have a purpose, ideally leading to marriage. The goal is to determine compatibility and whether the relationship can lead to a lifelong commitment.

    • Genesis 2:18: “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” This highlights God’s design for companionship and marriage.
    • Matthew 19:4-6: “He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” This emphasizes the permanence and sacredness of marriage.

  • Accountability: Having accountability partners can help maintain purity and provide wise counsel.

    • Proverbs 27:17: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” This encourages seeking fellowship and support from other believers.

Things the Bible Doesn’t Explicitly Forbid but Imply Caution About:

  • Prolonged or Exclusive Dating at a Young Age: While not explicitly forbidden, focusing solely on romantic relationships at a young age may hinder personal growth, education, and development of other important relationships.
  • Dating Non-Believers: 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns against being unequally yoked. This applies particularly to marriage but raises concerns about the wisdom of dating someone with fundamentally different beliefs.
  • Emotional Intimacy Without Commitment: Sharing deep emotional vulnerabilities without the commitment of marriage can lead to heartbreak and spiritual compromise.

Conclusion:

While the Bible doesn’t offer a “dating rulebook,” it provides overarching principles that should guide relationships between unmarried men and women. These principles emphasize purity, respect, discernment, love, and a purposeful approach to finding a life partner within the context of faith. The goal is to honor God in all aspects of life, including relationships.