What is asexuality? I’m hearing this term more and more, and I want to understand it better. Specifically, what is asexuality defined as? Is it the same as celibacy or a low libido? What are the common misconceptions surrounding it? And most importantly, what does it mean to be asexual? What are the different ways asexuality can manifest, and how does it affect a person’s romantic and emotional relationships? Are there different "types" of asexuality, and if so, how do they differ? Also, what resources are available for people who think they might be asexual, or who want to learn more about asexuality?

Answer

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to anyone. Asexual individuals, often called "aces," do not experience sexual desire or attraction towards others in the same way that people with other sexual orientations do. It’s important to understand that asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, while asexuality is an intrinsic lack of sexual attraction.

Being asexual means that an individual does not experience sexual attraction. This can manifest in various ways, and the asexual spectrum is broad. Some key aspects of understanding what it means to be asexual include:

• Lack of Sexual Attraction: The defining characteristic of asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction. This means that asexual people don’t look at someone and feel a desire to engage in sexual activity with them. This lack of attraction is consistent and not a result of a medical condition, choice, or temporary circumstance.

• Romantic Attraction is Separate: Asexuality is solely about sexual attraction. Asexual individuals can still experience romantic attraction, emotional attraction, aesthetic attraction, sensual attraction, or platonic attraction. Because of this separation, aces may identify with various romantic orientations, such as:

  • Aromantic: Experiencing little to no romantic attraction.
  • Heteroromantic: Romantically attracted to people of the opposite gender.
  • Homoromantic: Romantically attracted to people of the same gender.
  • Biromantic: Romantically attracted to people of two or more genders.
  • Panromantic: Romantically attracted to people regardless of gender.
  • Grayromantic: Rarely experiencing romantic attraction or experiencing it with low intensity.
  • Demiromantic: Experiencing romantic attraction only after forming a close emotional bond.

• Libido and Sexual Arousal: Asexual individuals can still experience libido (sexual drive) or sexual arousal. However, these experiences are not directed towards other people. They might engage in self-stimulation, but this isn’t driven by a desire to connect with someone sexually.

• Relationships and Intimacy: Asexual people can and do form meaningful relationships. These relationships may or may not involve sexual activity. The type of intimacy valued in relationships varies from person to person. Some aces might be in committed romantic relationships, while others might prefer platonic relationships or remain single. The absence of sexual attraction doesn’t preclude the desire for companionship, love, or deep connection.

• The Asexual Spectrum: Not all asexual people experience asexuality in the same way. The asexual spectrum includes:

  • Gray-asexual (Gray-Ace): Individuals who experience sexual attraction rarely, weakly, or only under specific circumstances.
  • Demisexual: Individuals who only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional bond with someone.

• Diversity of Experiences: Asexual individuals are a diverse group with varying experiences, preferences, and identities. It is essential to avoid making generalizations or assumptions about asexual people. Their experiences are as varied as those of any other sexual orientation.

• Validity as an Orientation: Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, recognized by many LGBTQ+ organizations and communities. It is not a mental disorder, a phase, or a choice.

In summary, being asexual means not experiencing sexual attraction towards others. It’s a fundamental aspect of their identity, similar to how other people experience their sexual orientations. Asexuality is a spectrum, and asexual individuals can have diverse experiences with romantic attraction, relationships, and intimacy.